A little bit of bathroom reading....bring your laptop!!

As I was standing in the public washroom of a local business the other day, reading the inevitable graffiti on the walls, I noticed something that made me do a double-take. Technology has indeed caught up to even this most prosaic of activities. Allow me to provide you with an example.

‘For a good time, e-mail me at so-and-so@hotmail.com’, one message said. Another said ‘If you want a date, text me at....’ There were some really dirty ones, too, but this is a family paper, so I won’t go there. I picture someone standing at the urinal, using their Blackberry to take advantage of these offers. Just be careful not to hit the ‘take a picture’ button, or your ‘junk’ may end up all over Facebook.

Imagine someone sitting in one of the stalls, using their laptop to correspond with these bathroom poets. The possibilities are endless. If you can connect to wi-fi while there, you can even broadcast yourself with your webcam!! I can just see it....’Pooping With Paul’, or ‘Dumping With Diane’. It could be popular on Myspace. Youtube really would be ‘your tube’.

Okay, so maybe it won’t go that far, but I was still a little shocked at these differences in the messaging. I guess I’m maybe a little old fashioned, but I miss the old graffiti. Stuff like pictures of Kilroy. Now, you can pretty much get an entire sex-education course by visiting all the stalls. Shocking stuff, I tell you.

I for one would like to see a group of individuals who are artistically inclined paint good stuff in these places. Zoo scenes, nature scenes, paintings of cuddly bears, werewolves and goblins at Halloween, Santa Claus and his Reindeer (complete with yuletide log!) at Christmas. You could have lovely winter scenes with people skating, drinking hot chocolate with little marshmallows, a roaring fire, with carollers singing in the background. Summer and Fall could be represented with beautiful earth tones. Heck, this could be used for the volunteer time high school students need nowadays. Maybe even a co-op course, ‘bathroom beautification’.

For those wanting a little more adventure, someone could paint a lion’s head around a urinal, making you think twice about doing the deed. You could have theme-derived stalls. For all you hippies out there, here’s our ‘Flower Power’ stall, complete with recycled tissue. This could also lead to a new revenue for some businesses. Nascar themes. Hockey themes, where you ‘shoot the puck’, so to speak. I personally would love to visit a ‘Lord Of The Rings’ stall. I could be Frodo, or perhaps Bilbo Baggins, maybe even Gandalf....although, maybe I wouldn’t be Gollum, talking about my ‘Precious’. That would be a little too much, I think.

I once went to a bar that had dry-erase walls that encouraged graffiti. At the end of the night, someone would clean the walls, and the next day, it would start all over again. That was actually pretty clever, until someone got the idea to use real markers to draw. There’s always some smartass who bucks the system. I’m just glad he didn’t use more ‘organic’ means of writing on the walls.

When I mentioned to Anne that perhaps we could ‘graffiti it up a notch’ in our basement bathroom, it was voted down. The vote was close, but ended up 1-0 when she voted, and I was not allowed to vote. Apparently I’m not ‘mature’ enough to vote. I thought my idea was pretty good. I had chosen a ‘Lion King’ theme, and when you flushed, it would shout out ‘Hakuna Mattatta!!’ (which we all know means ‘no worries’). You could shower with Simba, wash your hands with Nala, and if you’re feeling a little cheeky, ‘Scar’ could become the focal point of some steamy activities!! But, it ain’t gonna happen.

So much for bathroom humour!

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